woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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