he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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