i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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