Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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