Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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