Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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