I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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