No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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