Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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