I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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