i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
