on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
