no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
