before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
