your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
