My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish you could order shots online.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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