The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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