So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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