weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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