the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize