when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
