I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize