Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
