when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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