so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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