I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
