I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
home. puking in laundry basket.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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