matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dicks are not precious.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
