PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
