White coat. Heels.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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