Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
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so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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