Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
do nipples grow back?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
