Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why is your signature on my underwear?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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