had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Help. Why am I so naked?
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