You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
