Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
