I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
