I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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