I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
