Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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