I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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