he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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