tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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