don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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