Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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