my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
