I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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