I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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