I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness