I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...