exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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