I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
