He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
