Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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