shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
