The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize