He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
