i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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