Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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