I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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