So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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