you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
