There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
