holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
