He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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