his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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