okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
