So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
