I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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