the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
