I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've blown a few things in my day
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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